Spitting in the Face of the ALMIGHTY

Here's an excerpt from Will Walker's "The Kingdom of Couches"...

"I sin, which you know all too well by now, but I rarely say it. Sure, I admit that I sin because we are all sinners, blah blah blah. But it's more than that. My sin is tangible. It hurts people, people that I care about. I withhold good things from people. I blight the image of God. I'm not talking about the kind of hangnail sins we confess to each other these days. I'm trying to say that my sin, even more than I suspect, is the kind of gaping wound that makes you nauseous to look at.

Sometimes I find myself in the middle of lust or gossip or laziness, buying stuff to feel better or craving the approval of others, and I know it is wrong, wrong like vandalism and deception. Yet the urges that drive it, or at least the habits that perpetuate it keep pushing. They push so obstinately that I feel I've passed the point of no return, as if I'm obligated to it. In that moment I think it is just easier to stay the course, easier to satisfy the urge than to kill it. There is a certain kind of relief in giving up. At least its over. It's over. I can think clearly now. I confess it to God.

I don't always confess it. Sometimes I dismiss it as small, justify it, or lose it in the blur of the next activity. Sometimes I clean the kitchen or watch TV. Eventually I forget about it. What's in the past is in the past. I'm finished with it.

But IT is not finished with me. When gratified, sinful desire subsides, but it always comes back in familiar and mutated forms, strengthened by precedent. My heart gets harder and more disposed to the sin. Thus the sorrow of prevailing indulgence.

It's perplexing. In some ways I am growing and maturing and becoming who I think God wants me to be. Simultaneously sin is progressing and spreading in me like a cancer. It is somehow subtle and ferocious, a homicidal lull. Each singular act of sin is part of the scheme to harden me, to medicate the pain of cosmic adultery, to sing me quietly to sleep. I don't think enough about the real horror of what it means to sin, that I conceive with my sinful desires a lethal organism that is unleashed into the world around me, perpetuating pain and deception, working to undermine the activity of God among us. I do not consider the long-term effect on my soul, that I am becoming a slave to what I hate."


I was thinking of how I hate my sin, and how I hate myself whenever I give into that sin. I was trying to formulate words about it all when I came across this small section in Walker's book...coincidence? I think not! I could not have put it in any better wording than Walker has. It speaks exactly what I have been feeling lately and I wanted to share it with you all!

I have realized lately that I do not know or understand the monumental impact of my sin. Sin is always a reminder of how we blight the image of God, so I will pray that God will show me just how ugly my sin really is. That He would show me each time I give in I am only feeding a growing monster whose only interest is to devour me. In doing so, my view of my own sin will increase and my view of God's holiness/perfectness/greatness/mercy/love/GRACE will also increase.


1 John 1:9

This is just therapy...

"This is my therapy...just call it what it is with a death grip on this life always transitioning. This is just therapy, 'cause You're the only one who's left here listening to me."

--Relient K


I think Matt Thiessen (Relient K's lead singer/song writer) got it right when he sang about things in his life that were drastically changing. In these lyrics he says he has "a death grip on this life always transitioning". After listening to this song over and over again I have come to totally agree with what he is saying...


1.) This life that we are living is always not what we expect it to be; it is ALWAYS transitioning. We are always being thrown curveballs and sooner or later we are not ready for them until its too late and we get smacked in the face by reality. I always seem to assume I have things figured out in my life. And usually immediately after, all my expectations are shattered into a million pieces.

2.) Even when these things in my life seem to so obviously not fit with everything else, I still try to hold onto them...the familiar and the comfortable. Stepping into the unknown is scary for anyone. It requires a lot of faith. I have this death grip on every part of my life. I feel like there needs to be a change in something, but I refuse to let it go. I think this is showing me something about my deeply rooted sin of trying to control EVERYTHING! Hmmmmmm...

3.) But, in the end, it is not up to me to decide but rather God. By stepping out into the unknown is a terrifying thought...but, what I think is more terrifying is not obeying the one true God when He blatantly tells you something. I know that putting my full faith and my entire being into His hands is a billion million times more comforting then trying to control it all myself. And even though this life of ours is ALWAYS changing, ALWAYS in transition, and NEVER what we think it will be...God never changes. And because of that, we can put our trust in Him.

He is the only one left listening to me, and I find comfort in that...



Isaish 40:28-31
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.


Romans 8:38,39
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."


2 Timothy 2:13
If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.


Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

its a Venti Day!

My pen just died when I was journaling, but I still gotta get out my thoughts! Haha! So here it is!

I was always a little against Starbucks because of it being a big corporation and what not, but I have slowly been falling in love! The funny thing about it all is that I do not even like coffee that much...I only take it when it looks a pale brown color instead of black!

The thing I like about Starbucks (or any sort of coffee shop) is the enviornment. I am sitting in an insanely comfortable chair on top of a fun looking rug. There are three antique looking mirrors hanging next to one another and paintings all over the walls. This place is a place where friends come together and get to have fellowship in a quiet place. I love the idea of getting some real quality time with friends over a steaming hot drink, even if it leaves a bitter aftertaste!

I am so excited about this book I'm reading, "The Kingdom of Couches", because it is all about community and the need for fellowship. This has been a topic that has been at the forefront of my mind this summer. Mostly because I had such amazing community for the first part of this summer and I am worried about the second part. Home is sometimes a dark place for me to be, specifically because this is where my past is and it is even more tempting to slip into those past sins when I am here...and especially when I do not have that Christian fellowship.

Praise the Lord that I get to hang out with a great friend from the first half of the summer in San Diego (he is in Wisco for the summer) and Praise the Lord that I have two friends from school that are also in the area for the summer. One is interning at his church and the other just got back from East Asia. I got to spend the afternoon and night with them yesterday.

It has been so good for my heart to come back home and have these three men here in my life. It is definitely not going to be the same as San Diego; waking up, eating breakfast, and just doing life with some outstanding men of Christ, but I know this is where I need to be and I know it is going to be amazing.

God really reminded me today how much we need fellowship and how life-giving these three men have been to me in the past two days alone. He reminded me how He usually reminds me of things...through His word!


Psalm 133

How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in unity!

It is like precious oil poured on the head,
running down on the beard,
running down on Aaron's beard,
down upon the collar of his robes.

It is as if the dew of Hermon
were falling on Mount Zion.
For there the LORD bestows his blessing,
even life forevermore.


So, even though sometimes I am angry about spending the money on overpriced bitter water, it is well with my soul if it means community with men whom I am growing in relationship through Christ alone!

Thank You For....

-breathing us into being
-food to eat
-oxygen to breathe
-H2O to drink
-the sun and the moon
-oceans
-flowers
-friendships
-the stars
-babies/small children
-Skype
-family
-taste buds
-Your Word
-mentors
-bubbles
-giggling
-pain
-emotions
-music (even the annoying stuff that still gets stuck in your head)
-fireworks
-food
-new beginnings
-everlasting life
-laughter
-books
-blue skies
-clouds (especially the fluffy ones)
-new friendships
-comfortable beds
-endings
-hard times
-love
-butterflies (both insects and the ones inside your stomach)
-forgiveness
-mountains
-summertime
-colors
-sunrises and sunsets
-suffering
-diversity
-snow
-college dorm rooms
-home videos
-grace
-Your Son and Holy Spirit
-old friends
-roller blades
-digital cameras
-old photographs (preferably featuring grandparents when they were in their 20's)
-fire
-scents (good and bad)
-humility
-joy and cheerfulness
-truth
-hobbies
-food
-memories
-finding loose change
-finding $20 bills in old pants pockets
-finding things in general!
-the Internet
-quiet coffee shops
-alone time
-time spent with amazing people
-sand between my toes
-tears
-warm drinks on cold days
-"sick" days
-head phones
-balloons
-birthdays
-road trips
-leaves in the Fall
-caterpillars
-homemade gifts
-candles
-trees
-air conditioning
-ability/want/need to worship
-random adventures
-new book smell
-instruments
-movies
-fireflies
-big blankets
-little sisters and big brothers
-fun mugs
-journaling
-board games
-spur of the moment ideas
-fun days planned out
-laying in the pool
-bronzing next to the pool
-finding random treasures at thrift stores (or college dumpsters)
-artistic ability
-showers
-the woods
-hugs
-scarfs
-encouragement from others
-listening to and singing music a little too loud
-the feeling I get after cleaning my room
-did I mention food...?



"Give thanks to the God of Heaven. His love endures forever."

~Psalm 136:26